Q. Why do pipers always walk when they play?
A. Moving targets are harder to hit.
Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play in perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.
Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
Q. What’s the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don’t have to be very good to get people’s attention.
Q. What’s the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe?
A. You can tune the lawn mower; and the owner’s neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawn mower and don’t return it.
Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
A. Add vibrato.
Q. What’s the range of a bagpipe?
A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
Q. Why do they call it a “kilt”?
A. Because a lot of people got kilt when they called it a skirt.
Q. What’s a piper’s definition of “optimism”?
A. A piper with a beeper.
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. To get away from the sound!